It Doesn't Happen Like This
Healing is not a solo act…
Modern-day therapy evokes a vision of a person horizontal on a couch, talking to a clinician sitting with their legs crossed in a chair nearby wearing glasses, looking down at the pad and paper they are writing down thoughts about what you’re saying on.
The Oxford Dictionary defines being perceived as “to become aware or conscious of (something); come to realize or understand.”
You are being perceived by another.
And sometimes we don’t want to be perceived by others, however, in therapy, we must be perceived. Which means you have to allow yourself to be witnessed. In a sense, to be examined. And somehow in this environment, we are supposed to be vulnerable and to ultimately heal. I’ve been to several therapists in my own adult life and heard the stories of therapeutic experiences for others. There are similarities and differences between all of them.
Some therapists like to include somatic practices in order to bring you back to your body so that you are not just residing in your head with your thoughts.
Some therapists are guided by what you share and simply respond to what you supply.
Others may show up with therapeutic methods ready to go and will pull from their arsenal based on where you are and how you are.
These are just three examples and are certainly not exhaustive. However, there is one main thing that is not included in the modern Western world version of mental health and healing.
Community.
Healing is not a new concept. Nor is it new to need to heal. It has been embarked on, and likely achieved for millennia before we created the models that we all know and don’t necessarily love.
Now to be clear, there are benefits to being able to work through the traumas and challenges that you may have incurred before you go into communal environments. It is important to not displace what we have experienced on others intentionally or unintentionally. However, the task of healing does not happen in a vacuum. It is not an individualistic action.
It happens in community.
Healing in community has a number of benefits, including :
Feeling witnessed by others who have endured similar experiences.
The safety of non-judgment as you expose vulnerable aspects, of who, and how you are.
The access to pause as you are healing and know that your needs will still be met by those you are in community with.
Healing often involves experiences that include other people besides just yourself. So to assume that you can singularly heal a wound that you did not inflict on yourself can leave you at a disadvantage for the best opportunity to move forward. The processing of what you have experienced so that it doesn’t get stuck, causing an arrested development of sorts, is necessary to move the emotions and energy through us as to not take up permanent residence.
Healing happens in action not just thought. Analyzing and overthinking can only get you but so far. However, a few prompts paired with that brain of yours may give you a bit of clarity to follow. The next time you have a situation that gets you to a place of feeling stuck, ask yourself these questions and journal on it by writing, by typing, or verbally processing. Either way, give yourself this support to work through it.
What happens next?
What actions can you take?
How can I feel differently in my body?
How can I give myself the grace to not allow my past experiences to indicate who I must be in the future?
One day you may be able to access healing right where you are without the real or proverbial couch. You may not feel ready to share your innermost thoughts and feelings with your neighbors today, but holding space for the possibility of your neighbors being those that you would share with is a realistic goal for us all. As we all move toward this, use the prompts above to guide you, and know that we’ll all intersect here soon.