Lies You’re Told: Shadow Work

Nah…it ain’t true…

A person with light skin facing a billboard with posters covering it. They are wearing a black coat. Their back is facing us and they have their hand behind their back with their fingers crossed.

Wellness is a big ‘ol bucket that tends to have a ton of subject areas thrown into it even if they’re only mildly related. And because of that, wellness as a concept feels overused and diluted. Terms like mental health, spirituality, healing, mindfulness, therapy…I have definitely heard them muddled together and I’m pretty sure you have too. This can create less trust in modalities that can be very beneficial for you. Like shadow work.

Shadow work is the act of exploring who and how you are within the frequently unexplored parts of yourself.

If you think shadow work is just some airy fairy BS, then I’ve got some good news/bad news for you (it’s up to you to decide if the news is good or bad). The work and the outcomes of it are real, and it can help you to get out of your own way and not allow unnecessary stress to create DIY barriers. So, can we agree that it’s good news??

Shadow work was coined by the Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung back in the early 20th century and it has continued to unfold in various ways. It began as a tool that was originally used in therapy and is now more frequently used “beyond the couch”. Bringing this concept into your journaling practice will amplify your access to self-reflection and evolution.

But what myths might be getting the way for you?

You know, those falsehoods that are giving you incorrect info about shadow work including what it is, how you do it, and the outcomes that come from it. So let’s lay out some of these unhelpful myths and beneficial reframes for them.

Shadow Work Myth #1: Healing happens in a vacuum.

Therapy is more widely accepted now than it has ever been. The demand is high and the need for it is even higher. However, there is still the thought that assuming the position on the therapy couch is the only way to heal. Combined with the perception that healing is a solo activity, this is a recipe for a letdown.

For a long time therapy was positioned as something that you did when you weren’t strong enough to cope with life. Many people are still shaking off the limitations of the prescribed ideas and choosing to approach therapy as a helpful action instead of believing that you are supposed to just “deal with it”. A desire to heal is never about weakness.

There is a reimagining necessary for healing.

Healing is a layered activity that begins with curiosity and self-exploration and progresses to co-regulating with others. You will need to heal in tandem with others in order to be a part of an interdependent community. Therapy couples magnificently with shadow work, however, the real magic happens in community. The connection that happens with others gives you so much insight into who you are and who want to be. You don’t have to perpetually just push through and bottle up big feelings and hard things.

So what can you do instead?

Utilize self-exploration, therapy, shadow work journaling, verbal processing, and community connection as aspects of your holistic healing journey. Allow them to be complementary tools to build the structures and fortitude that you desire. All while releasing what no longer serves you.

Shadow Work Myth #2: Making space for yourself is a part of holding space for others.

Some people love to give gifts but they are impossible to give gifts to. The sentiment is the same here. If you are always the one holding space for others and never allow others to hold space for you then you are breaking the conduit. Better yet, let’s think about it like a Venn diagram. Here are some ways to give and receive support when making space.

A yellow graphic that at the top says Holding Space, Ways to give and receive support. There is a venn diagram with two black overlapping circles with a colorful overlapping rope photo in the middle. The circles have words inside that are examples.

There are activities that you enjoy providing for others. But guess what? People want to give that to you as well. If you perpetually only give you can never receive and in turn you aren’t allowing others to give to you. You are denying yourself the benefit of space being held for you because you will only hold space for others as if you don’t need this offering.

Doing this creates an environment of possible exhaustion for you and it doesn’t allow your resources to be filled. Or for you to be prioritized. This is the thing I really want you to recognize and ask yourself….

Are you able to allow others to make space for you?

Interdependent community requires you to recognize if you are more of a giver or a receiver. If you are often on one side then there is room to work on your ability to be more on the other side as well. If everyone’s needs must be met and care must be provided for all, then we have to keep the mechanism running that we all feed into and receive from. You don’t want to risk resentment or hurt feelings that can be avoided by simply playing your part.

Guess what else happens when you allow others to hold space for you?

You are able to redistribute some of your energy to others or refueling yourself.

You allow others to offer their time and efforts as opposed to it always being provided by you.

You are able to be shown care and concern by others prioritizing your wants and needs.

If you happen to have a story about your wants and needs not being worthy of being made a priority, then you already know what you need to go journal on after you finish reading this. But I won’t harp on that for now…

Shadow Work Myth #3: You will only go into painful experiences.

Life is layered with all kinds of feelings and experiences, so your shadow work will explore the layers necessary for your self-exploration and healing. Not just the painful ones. Somehow the word “shadow” has been misconstrued to mean bad or negative and that’s just not true. Approaching shadow work as if it will only be pain does you a disservice and minimizes all of your experiences to only being painful.

Your thoughts and feelings could be beautiful and you may have denied yourself the benefit of enjoying those feelings because maybe you don’t celebrate your wins. So you may want to give yourself more time and space to acknowledge your accomplishments, and this work too is shadow work. Yes my dear, just because it ain’t spiky and thorny it is still shadow work because at some point you didn’t finish processing an experience.

Completing a cycle of processing is the goal. The theme of the cycle is not the focus.

Being in interdependent community is about the experience of life being explored by a collective of people working together. It is not about only the good, bad, or in-between feelings. The entire experience is a group effort and will blend many experiences together. You could feel joyous about your new love and still offer empathy to someone who has just experienced a loss.

You can hold space for more than one truth at a time.

Your truth does not negate theirs and vice versa. So you can navigate your self-exploration of exciting and distressing emotions throughout your journey of healing. You contain multitudes, my dear.

The reality of shadow work is that it is an experience that is not about good or bad and is more about the explorative journey on the way to interdependence. Focusing on this goal makes it more exciting because of what you can do when you are connected with others.

Now it’s your turn to share with me. Which of these myths did you find most interesting?

Erica✨